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Amor! What is real love?

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The quest for genuine love is something many search for. It is the pursuit of something real, something authentic and something that holds unsurpassable meaning. For many out there, it’s about more than just finding a like-minded person; it’s about discovering that one-of-a-kind soul mate. For some, finding that special someone to spend the rest of their days with came along early in life. While, for others, it can seem like a long, never ending process that involves dating sites, matchmaking through friends and other social gatherings. All in hopes of that chance encounter of finding “the one” who will accept them for who they are. While many have tried to define it- love is commitment, deep attachment, enduring, forgiving and loyal. But what is real love?

Here are 5 essentials that identify real Love:

1. Real love begins with self-love, self-work, and inner development. The intention should be to find someone who has also made self-development a priority in their life. Not so much seeking out someone who will complete you. Only you can do that. Dysfunctional love has the illusion that someone can fix or rescue you. That once you find that perfect someone, then you’ll achieve happiness. Not true. Happiness lies within the self- not in your partner. Remember, the first relationship you have is with self. Discovering who you really are will give you better insight into the person you seek.

2. Maintain separate interests. Making time for your friends and other leisure activities that are independent of your companion, gives you room to grow. The same should be regarded for your better half. In an unhealthy relationship, there is limited social life, insecurity and the inability to endure time apart. While those in strong relationships do spend plenty of time together, they are able to be separate; minus any neediness and can give one another space…graciously. 

3. Trust is a must. Every relationship has a certain degree of risk involved. With that said, trust is essential and a cornerstone to any close relationship. This can be especially true when recovering from heartache. With authentic love, there is a strong feeling of security and trust in your partner. Communication flows and both partners can be themselves. There is no jealousy or competition (This is mine! That’s yours) or possessiveness (Where were you? or Who were you with?). Real love does not try to manipulate you, play games or cause you to lose your friends, money or dreams. Love is abundant, inexhaustible and never holds back out of fear. Love desires to share every waking moment, every joy and every challenge- together.

4. Love is action- not just words. Love is a practice. It shows you, on a daily basis, that it is real, sincere and reliable. Bona fide true love is trustworthy, dependable and honest. Honesty being the key factor. So, be selective and choose wisely. Allowing only those into your life who are respectful, loving and who sincerely care about you. The actual words “I love you” are not enough to hear. One must see with their own eyes the actions that back up those words. So, if you hear one thing but are experiencing something else, chances are- it's not real love. 

5. True love makes you a better person towards all around you. It brings out your best qualities and incites you to do more- to be more. Love encourages personal growth because it recognizes that your happiness is just as important as theirs. Therefore, it will never hold you back for selfish reasons; instead, it encourages you to wholeheartedly shine. Love can also reveal an entirely new world to you; new foods, new music, earthbound travels- things that you’d probably never experience on your own. Love motivates you to be a better person not because you’re forced to but simply because you want to. Remember, love is neither perfect nor expects perfection. What it actually wants more than anything else is to be reciprocated.

About author: Priscilla Selgas is a Freelance Writer based in Miami, Florida. Connect at PennedbyPriscilla@gmail.com


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